MOH expectations

Watching the "Say yes to the dress" marathon on t.v. (and seeing the insane relationships these brides-to-be have with the people they bring to their dress shopping) made me think about the role of the MOH. (I always pronounce it as "moe" in my head. Anybody else?)

A little bit of history... (copied from source)

Throughout history, the maid of honor has been defined as the unmarried female that is chief attendant to the bride. ... In history, maids of honor were considered the best maids in a lady's house, as they attended to her every need in such a way that she wanted for nothing. As a wedding approached, a senior maid of honor was assigned to take care of the details, such as helping the bride with her gown and her bridal wreath. The maid of honor also helped the bride in preparing the wedding feast.

Today, the maid of honor has even more duties on her hands! As wedding grow more and more extravagant, sometimes brides are choosing to have more than one maid of honor in order to spread the work around and make preparation a bit easier.

The most important part of being a maid of honor hasn't changed, however, no matter how big those weddings can get. During those days before the wedding and right up to the minute your bride-to-be walks down the aisle, you will be a lifeboat of support in a sea of commitments and worry.

Searching for the modern list of MOH duties you find 21 listed on frugalbride.com, 24 listed on theknot.com, and a mere 13 listed on themaidofhonorguide.com.

At this point, I need to spend a little time on my soapbox.

Maid? Seriously, even that word is a little offensive (especially knowing it actually came from "maid" like, cleaner, servant, not cute little innocent maiden). Where do I get off being so completely obsessed with myself that I ask my sister to be my "maid" for the entire year (or how ever long your engagement is) leading up to my wedding. Which is basically a big party. (The marriage is a big deal, don't get me wrong. I'm taking that very very seriously. But the "wedding" part, let's be honest, it's just an excuse to throw an extravagant party. A fun, awesome excuse. And I'm very much looking forward to it. But basically a big party.)

Anyway, maybe it's because I'm getting married a little bit older... but I've been pretty busy successfully juggling my busy life for several years now. I'm proud to run a business and a home. I'm proud that I don't need a ton of help with the minutiae of my life. And I hope to keep my wedding to a size/undertaking that will be appropriate for my time, talent, and financial funds. Multi-tasking is a talent. Being overwhelmed and requiring your best friend to fulfill 24 tasks on a list to help your special day (year?) go exactly right is a little nutty.

Image source.

I chose my sister as my MOH more for the H part, rather than the M part. I am really and truly glad she can be with me that day standing next to me in support, while I make one of the most important commitments of my life. I value her opinion and am glad she'll be sharing this experience with me in front of our friends and family. I don't care if she can't label envelopes or misses a dress fitting appointment or can't plan a shower because we live (literally) thousands of miles apart.

I have read so many forum postings of people (both brides & MOHs) who feel very differently than I do. Friendships ruined because MOHs aren't doing "enough" for the bride. Or brides who are so demanding, the MOHs can't stand to be around them any more. I honestly can't imagine acting like that... or treating my sister/best friend in that way. I appreciate what she can do to help me. But more than anything, I appreciate what she has done for the past 24 years and look forward to celebrating my new life, with her as a part of it, on my wedding day. (**Hugs sis.**)


*Looks around and climbs quietly off the soapbox.*

How many duties have you given your MOH? Is she more of an emotional support or are you relying heavily on her to carry off your day?